I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize