she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize