I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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