kristin has been a bad kristin
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
