Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
