what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
