We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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