Soap is not a condiment
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
