I'm going to jail i love you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
