My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize