i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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