Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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