i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
