absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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