Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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