roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
