How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
