Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
