he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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