i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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