a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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