Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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