i used baking grease as lip gloss
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
