First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
