Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
