My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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