Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
