so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So many bounce houses so little time
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
