I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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