I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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