Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
its liver damage thursday
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