how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
