We're facebook friends in real life
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
do herpes really smell.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
