A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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