It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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