ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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