after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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