so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
