I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
