Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my phone needs a breathalizer
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
