why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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