I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
