Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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