The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
