wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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