we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
