either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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