So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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