I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wat bout pragnant strippers??
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
