Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
