the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
