I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
