It's Friday. Sex?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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