I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
