Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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