First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
why is half of my head shaved?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
