All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
