Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
