dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
