I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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