Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
