The maid of honor just puked.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
