its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
