My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
