you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
