i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
