Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
