she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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