Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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