I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
