i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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