someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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