How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
