I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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