My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
