From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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