If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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